“Do you prefer granite or cobblestone? For your grave I mean.”
Alphonze is a warforged NPC and member of the Riptide Pirates. He is played by GrizzlyPlays.
Description[]
When the pirates first meet him in Edison Kingdom, he has a black metal mustache and glowing eyes. He wears a brown trench coat over an elegant waiter suite and a bowl hat with steampunk style goggles resting on the brim. His voice is robotic, and at the request of the captains he changes his voice to speak in a southern American accent.
In episode 87 he gets a full makeover at the C-Mart in the Viritus Sea. All of his plating is replaced with a newer chrome plating, and his face is molded to the shape of a skull. He now wears a white cowboy hat painted with the Riptide jolly rodger painted in the center. Steampunk style goggles still sit on the brim of the hat, and his clothing is embellished with many other types of steampunk style accessories such as small gears and clocks. He wears a loose white shirt with the sleeves rolled up underneath a tight black v-neck vest. On his hands, he has anchors attached to chains that can presumably be shot as a weapon or grappling hook. He wears a reddish sash across his chest, and a similar belt with gold trimmings goes around his waist. He wears black pants that are mostly covered by extremely tall silver boots that go all the way up to his thighs. The boots are accessorized with brown belts and small gears, ending in gold tipped plating.
In episode 92, his body is killed by the electrodon. His soul transfers into a small, finger sized flash drive previously inhabited by Mr. D.A.I.C.E.
In episode 100, Jay and Ensa install this chip into the Albatross, making Alphonze the ship. He acted as this ship for many episodes.
In episode 115, his soul chip was taken back out of the ship so he could be brought out of the Black Sea.
History[]
Alphonze was created in Edison Kingdom as a freelance bodyguard. When the Riptide Pirates met him, he was working under the Blossom Boss as a guard, along with another unnamed warforged. When the Boss asked the Riptide Pirates to infiltrate Edison Castle, they agreed as long as they could take Alphonze with them to assist. He joined their heist crew, and traveled up to the third layer of the kingdom with Chip, Jay, Gillion, Ollie, and Abdul. Alphonze and Abdul were sent to deal with the royal warforged guards in the barracks. He isn’t seen until the Riptide Pirates travel back up to the second layer to fight the Blossom Boss and stop him from bringing down the floating platforms that create the district. He tackles the warforged, helping the boss, tackling him off the edge of the platform and bringing his head back after the fight. He leaves Edison Kingdom with the pirates under the agreement that they would help him learn to live for himself. Upon their request he changes his voice to a southern accent.
Once out at sea, Chip asked Alphonze to look at a small chip given by the cocktail waitress Karina to Ollie, and it turned out it contained the soul and programming of Mr. D.A.I.C.E., the AI that ran the Blue Royale Casino. This program attempted to take over Alphonze’s body, but failed. Alphonze sailed the ship and watched over Ollie while the captains traversed the B.L.O.C.K.. When the captains brought Drey Ferin out of the prison, Alphozne had to restrain Old Man Earl from attacking the legendary sharpshooter after he ate their whole stock of fruit.
When the pirates docked at Allport, Alphonze remained on the ship while the pirates explored the city, telling Chip where the other captains had gone when he briefly stopped back at the Albatross during his solo mission. When things went south in the captain’s infiltration of the navy base, Alphonze blew a hole in the side of the building to assist them, bringing Ollie with him. They left Allport quickly after causing that ruckus, and this was also the reason Alphonze’s bounty is so high.
He stayed on the ship with Ollie while the captains visited Noctis. Arriving at Liquidus, Alphonze, Gryffon, and Ollie were left behind while the captains went to the feywild. Their only assignment was to create a limonade stand, which they did extremely successfully, making 50,000 G by the time the captains got back. They all set back out to sea to retrieve Gillion from inside the Luxbris Pearl, and with the whole crew back together Alphonze told everyone his goal was to continue learning how to live for himself.
With Gillion’s return, Alphonze was immediately pulled into a scheme to make “eggs” for the crew. Gillion told him to help him make “eggs” and to also not tell anyone what to put in them, and Alphonze complied even though Chip threatened him. Things escalated quickly with Gillion revealing the "eggs" had been a zone of truth, forcing Felipe to reveal he had been trying to kill Gillion. Alphonze refused to allow them to tie Felipe to him as a solution, as he was too busy driving the ship and having a murderous frog tied to him would make that difficult. He spent a lot of downtime on the ship, fighting with Gillion over throwing gold overboard as well as fishing with Ollie. He helped Ollie reel in the line when he got a particularly strong bite, accidentally pulling Aslana and her mother onto the ship by the fishing line.
Arriving in Allport for a second time, Alphonze was once again left on the ship while the rest of the crew explored the capital city. When the crew was ambushed in Roofus’s magic shop, Ollie was sent back to the ship to get Alphonze and Gryffon for help, and they all rushed into the city to assist. Finding the conflict mostly finished by the time they got there, they all went right back to the Albatross and once again left the city in a hurry.
Back out at sea, Alphonze was fishing with Ollie again when they caught an even larger bite than they had when they caught Aslana. Even with both of their efforts and the belt of mountain giant strength, they weren’t able to pull it up and the line snapped. They had attracted the electrodon, and it immediately took a huge bite out of the back of the Albatross. Alphonze and Ollie were thrown into the ocean by the rocking of the boat, and the huge shark electrified the water around it continuously. Prioritizing the safety of the captains and Ollie above his own, Alphonze took too much lightning damage and his body was killed, and Ollie was left floating on top of him. After defeating the electrodon, Gillion and Jay swam out to retrieve the downed pair and realized that Alphonze wasn’t moving. Gillion tried to recharge Alphonze’s body with the electricity leftover from the electrodon, but to no avail. While they were bringing Ollie to safety, his body ejected a small chip newly charged with magical energy- the same one that used to house the soul of Mr. D.A.I.C.E.. Jay determined that, in his last moments, Alphonze had likely transferred his essence into this chip and it could be inputted into a new body and he would be able to live again. Disheartened, they held onto his body and his soul chip.
Before he died, Alphonze had been working on a RNG cannon that could be installed into the ship to do a random magical effect when fired. Jay took up this project in his absence, but realized it would have required the chip with Mr. D.A.I.C.E. on it as a key component of the design. Ollie was working with her, and suggested that they build Alphonze’s soul into the ship itself. Jay agreed to this idea, and once they arrived on Canella, Jay started this process in full with the help of Ensa. Alphonze was rebooted as they left Canella, now with the ability to steer the Albatross and let his voice carry across the whole ship. This ability was immediately utilized to warn the captains of the imminent danger of the approaching navy ships. Alphonze was damaged in the ensuing battle, but not enough to sink the ship.
The pirates returned to Allport yet another time, now bringing the Albatross through the beyond section into the Black Sea. Alphonze brought them to Onawa Country, where Drey, Finn, and Old Man Earl were left behind to defend the ship. They sailed around and briefly found somewhere to hide the boat, eventually going back to the shores of Onawa to pick their crewmates up. They next traveled towards the Promised Bastion, an abandoned navy base on the Eastern side of the sea. The base was not as abandoned as they expected, and Alphonze as the ship had to make a dash through a trap set for intruders. They barely made it into the port town surrounding the stronghold, and all the crewmates were left on the ship to defend Alphonze while the captains explored the base. While they were invisible for an hour, after it wore off the ship was swarmed by the hollowed. The captains returned and they once again sped out of the base, using a tidal wave to push Alphonze through the closing doors.
A moment of respite back out at sea was quickly ended by the discovery that there was a mole on the ship of the Grandberry Pirates. This revelation caused the captains to make a quick choice to split the crew, leaving half of their forces to follow Chip into the hole in the sea and bringing the other half through the teleporter to make sure nothing happened to Lizzie and her crew. Alphonze’s soul chip was taken out of the Albatross, as they determined they likely wouldn’t be able to bring the ship back out of the Black Sea. The chip was brought back to Canella by Jay, Queen, Igneous, and Old Man Earl.
Trivia[]
- He can change his voice at will
- He cannot taste, but can have taste buds installed if he choses to